Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
