I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
