dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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