best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
