I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
