Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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