she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
