I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
