god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The dick lei will go down in squad history
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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