I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize