You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
