in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
