You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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