Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
