please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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