Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
