fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
