If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
