I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize