It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
