Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Randomize
