hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
smell my finger.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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