I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize