Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
