fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
