I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
