We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
