If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
