i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
