We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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