Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
