Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
