the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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