FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
