he thought i was a dude.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
