It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I CAN MOONWALK!
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
