I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I FOUND THE LEGS
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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