Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
