ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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