She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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