I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
And then my night got REAL pukey
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
