Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
