she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
