Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
