I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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