Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
