I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
