1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
