the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize