You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
