I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
