Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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