So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
that is very illegal...i love you.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
