So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
