I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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