I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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