and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
