? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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