i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
