I accidentally had phone sex last night
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
