Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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