if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
