I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
