I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
