i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
