my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
