Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize