my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Boobs are out for the taking
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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