I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
