Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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