I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
