turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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