Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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