I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Apparently you make a good broom.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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