It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
