Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
