dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i love accidental penises.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
