After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
