Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
