why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize