I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
But we have bathrooms and they dont
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
