id be glad to
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
