why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
