Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
my liver is dry heaving
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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